


Wash Away the Pain

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu Bingo 2019 [9]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Apologies, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Love, M/M, Promises
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 23:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20366749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: In the wake of Igneel's death, Gray tries to help Natsu even with his own loss still churning in his chest, and in doing so they both try to find a path forward.





	Wash Away the Pain

Gray ached in places that shouldn’t be able to hurt. It wasn’t just physical, either. His heart hurt, an old wound torn open and crossing with the recent loss of his father, and he kept lifting a hand to his chest, half expecting to find some physical trace of the pain. There was nothing there. No outward evidence of what had happened, even the tears trails had long since dried and faded away, and part of him was relieved, not ready to share that pain with the world. While another part of him hated it, wanting to scream and shout his loss aloud, to share the pain, to see some sign that something had changed in the world.

That something had been lost.

It made him falter, doubt creeping in as he lifted his head to glance towards the crater that had been left to mark where Igneel had fallen. He had insisted on being the one to find Natsu and take care of him, even going so far as to physically block the Dragon-slayers when they had made as though to go to the Fire mage. It wasn’t that he didn’t think they would help. Hell, he knew that Natsu was going to need that comfort and understanding. Just as he knew that this was different.

They had all lost their Dragons, a loss he could barely begin to understand, but Natsu was different. Natsu had been forced to watch as his father was struck down while fighting to protect them, to protect him. Igneel had fallen in front of his eyes, taking with him more than just a father figure, but a dream, a purpose. The dragon had been the centre of Natsu’s life for so long, even when he had been missing and that was gone now too, and that was why Gray was here. Why he had insisted on being the one to seek out the fire mage because that was a pain he understood, as was the guilt of watching his father fade before his eyes.

However, right now, with his own loss still churning in his chest, he wasn’t so sure that he was the right one to be doing this. How was he supposed to help Natsu, when he was a mess himself? He knew that he could turn back and that Gajeel and Wendy and the others would be more than happy to take care of Natsu for the time being. But he couldn’t do it. Maybe it was because of how things were between them, their argument over the book of E.N.D. still a simmering pool of unresolved tension that he couldn’t forget. Or maybe it was because it was easier to have someone else to focus on, something other than his own grief, but he took a shaky breath and moved forward again. Eyes darting around, searching for the Dragon-slayer, and when his gaze finally landed on Natsu, his reasons and doubts melted away, and he admitted to himself at least that the reason why he was here and had pushed for the right to be here, was because it was Natsu.

It was Natsu who was on his knees on the grass at the edge of the large crater, looking as though he had lost everything. Gray knew how that felt. It was the feeling that had gripped when he’d lost his home and his family to Deliora. It was the ice that had curled around his heart after Ur. It was the devastation that had gripped him when Silver had faded away before his eyes. It didn’t matter that he knew he still had Fairy Tail, and the family that he’d built for himself, or that he still had Natsu to come back to. In that moment and in the face of his loss, it felt as though there was nothing left, but the pain and the hole that had been left behind. It was a feeling he wouldn’t wish on anyone, let alone Natsu, and his heart twisted painfully in his chest as he saw the Dragon-slayer’s shoulders shaking, knowing that if he were closer then he would see the tears behind that motion.

_Natsu._

It banished all thoughts of leaving, and he moved forward. Hating the fact that he was almost relieved because seeing Natsu, witnessing his pain was giving him something to focus on. Something that he could use to push his own grief away for just a little while longer.

Happy spied him first, turning to meet him and making no effort to hide the tears leaving dark trails through his fur. Gray envied him a little. There was a storm raging in his chest, but he couldn’t let it show, and not just because of Natsu, and for once he wished that he could. That he could just break down and shatter. He buried that though, seeing the sudden wariness that had entered the Exceed’s eyes and realising that he was remembering his last conversation with the Dragon-slayer, and he grimaced, not really wanting to think about that, but knowing that Happy wouldn’t let him get close to Natsu if he felt that he was a threat. “I’m not here to fight Happy,” he murmured, not that it would have made much difference because he knew how good Natsu’s hearing was, although as he glanced towards the Fire Mage, he doubted that anything would reach him right now.

“He hasn’t spoken to me…” Happy said eventually, apparently deciding that Gray was telling the truth, either that or he was too tired, physically and emotionally to fight. “Gray…” There was a wealth of fear and grief in that single word, and it was too much. Gray was barely holding it together, and here he was trying to shoulder more, and for a moment he wanted to turn around and flee. Not ready to face his own grief, let alone Natsu’s.

“He’ll talk to me.” The words tasted wooden in his mouth, and he wasn’t surprised when Happy didn’t look convinced, and he took a deep breath. “I know a little of what he’s going through,” he added, meeting Happy’s gaze, and just for a second he let his mask slip, offering a glimpse of the pain beneath. “Trust me.”

He didn’t give Happy a chance to reply or to try and stop him, although he doubted the Exceed would at this point as he made his way towards Natsu. There were words flitting through his head, each as weak and pointless as the last. What could he say? What could anyone say? He knew that he didn’t want empty, meaningless words, and he had a feeling that Natsu would be the same, so what could he say? He wasn’t ready to open up his own pain, even though he knew that would give his words the weight and meaning they needed, but he couldn’t just say nothing.

It turned out that it was a moot point because now he was close enough to hear Natsu. To hear the broken sobs that he was trying to swallow back, his breathing ragged as he clutched at the crash around him. To hear the heart-wrenching mantra of apologies and promises that Natsu was whispering under his breath, in a voice that Gray barely recognised as belonging to the Dragon-slayer. Words that were meant for Igneel. The words that Natsu had built up over the long years of searching, never expecting this to be how that dream ended and something broke in Gray’s chest, a fresh crack in his already splintered heart.

“Natsu.” It slipped out before he could stop it, and he froze as Natsu flinched violently, apparently caught off guard for once. For half a moment, he expected the Dragon-slayer to either ignore him, or tell him to go away, and he remained locked in place, hands curled at his side. _Please,_ he wasn’t sure what he was pleading for, or what he expected. What he wasn’t prepared for was the sight of Natsu slowly pushing himself to his feet, swaying as he did so, and leaving the Ice Mage worried that he was about to collapse. However, Natsu rallied, his stubbornness keeping him upright as he remained like that for a long moment, staring out over the crater where Igneel had fallen.

“Gray…” It was the voice of a stranger, one that hurt more than Natsu’s anger ever could as the Dragon-slayer slowly turned to look at him. Gray had seen Natsu grieving before, remembering the terrible days when Lisanna had first been believed day. He had seen Natsu lost and hurting, remembering the darker days when he would go to the riverbank and drag the Fire Mage into fights just to remove the lost expression from his face.

This was worse.

Natsu looked broken. That was the only word Gray had for it, and it scared him, because Natsu never broke, not like this, not so that it looked like the slightest touch or wrong word would destroy him completely. _I am the wrong person to do this,_ he thought, but he made no effort to move away as the Dragon-slayer took an unsteady step towards him, and then another and another. “Natsu?” He asked quietly, not sure whether he was about to get punched. Not that he would have moved anyway, because having Natsu punch him right now would reassure him that the Dragon-slayer still had some of his spark. Natsu opened his mouth as though to say something, but then faltered, and what little bit of life had flickered in the red-rimmed eyes dimmed again. This close there was no missing the tear tracks on his cheeks, or the dampness in his eyes that spoke of more to come, and Gray moved almost without thought as he closed the distance between them.

Natsu had faltered, but he wasn’t pulling away, and he didn’t resist as Gray reached him and pulled him into a tight hug. There was a split second of resistance, but before Gray could begin to second guess himself, the Dragon-slayer all but crumpled against him with a noise that could have been his name, or even Igneel’s before he buried his head against him as another sob wracked him. Gray pulled him close, tightening his hold and letting his head come to rest against Natsu’s, trying not to focus on the dampness against his shoulder or the way that the Dragon-slayer was trembling against him, but on the fact that he was here.

_That they were both still here, and still alive._


End file.
